"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." - Jeremiah 17:7
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1
I've been reflecting on these verses all morning as I struggle to have patience and to trust in the will of the Lord. Last night we got some news that we really weren't expecting. In fact, it was the type of news that really shook me to my core - caused me to question God's will for my life and the plans that I thought he was creating for us. I wish I could share more details but at this time we have decided to keep this personal in order to process everything that's happening. What I AM sharing is our need for strong prayer warriors to pray for us and with us... pray that in the next week we have the strength to deal with the challenges God brings to us, that we have the ability to be patient and wait for this week to pass, and that we truly trust in God's will for our lives. We have been blessed with the support of such amazing family and friends who have been continually praying for us. I promise to share more details after next week but for now, if you can find it in your heart to fulfill this rather vague prayer request we'd be SO grateful!
Wednesday, February 10
Friday, February 5
D-I-Y
Being a homeowner is wonderful... sometimes. Right now, I'm having a love-hate relationship with our house. I am incredibly grateful that we were able to purchase a beautiful home with lots of room for our family to grow in. But there are certain things about our house that I really dislike right now.
The first is the downstairs bathroom. Back in September I got this urge to tackle our first home project. The wedding was over and everything was unpacked - it was time to start making our house feel more like our home. The downstairs bathroom is a half-bath but it's pretty good sized. It was a cute little room with the exception of the wallpaper. It wasn't that ugly, 70's-style wallpaper that most houses have (probably because our house wasn't even built until the late 80's) but I am a firm believer that wallpaper has no place in the modern home. So with the advice of my parents (who have tackled countless walls of wallpaper removal) I set out to re-finish the half-bath. I figured it would be a weekend project. One day to remove the wallpaper and prime the walls and another day to paint and get everything back in there. Wellllll it's almost five months later and our half-bath is still not done. What was supposed to be a weekend D-I-Y project turned into a nightmare. As we began scraping the wallpaper off we noticed that the wall was starting to crumble... and that we were actually scraping layers of wallpaper, paint, and more wallpaper. Yes, the lovely previous owners of the home decided that removing the original wallpaper was too much work so they would simply paint over it. Then they must have decided to re-wallpaper and alas, one more layer for us to scrape! We striped the walls to the drywall only to find that the drywall couldn't be sanded smooth enough to re-paint. And that's where we left it. We shut the door and put up a lovely sign that reads "Under construction: please use upstairs bathroom". Out of sight, out of mind, right? Ehhh for a while. But now I'm sick of always having to run upstairs. I'm embarrassed to tell our guests that our bathroom is STILL not finished. So, my goal for this month is to finish the bathroom. We will demolish it and start from scratch - new drywall, new fixtures, new paint - new everything! I'm hoping I'll have a finished picture to share soon!
As for the other D-I-Y home projects on my list, the ugly red-walled guest bedroom is next followed by repainting the kitchen cabinets (my temporary fix until we can remodel). In the Spring we plan to do some new landscaping with the help of my green-thumbed parents. And then there's a house full of white woodwork that could use a fresh coat of paint - or at least a good cleaning! Oh the joys of home ownership! The list never ends!
The first is the downstairs bathroom. Back in September I got this urge to tackle our first home project. The wedding was over and everything was unpacked - it was time to start making our house feel more like our home. The downstairs bathroom is a half-bath but it's pretty good sized. It was a cute little room with the exception of the wallpaper. It wasn't that ugly, 70's-style wallpaper that most houses have (probably because our house wasn't even built until the late 80's) but I am a firm believer that wallpaper has no place in the modern home. So with the advice of my parents (who have tackled countless walls of wallpaper removal) I set out to re-finish the half-bath. I figured it would be a weekend project. One day to remove the wallpaper and prime the walls and another day to paint and get everything back in there. Wellllll it's almost five months later and our half-bath is still not done. What was supposed to be a weekend D-I-Y project turned into a nightmare. As we began scraping the wallpaper off we noticed that the wall was starting to crumble... and that we were actually scraping layers of wallpaper, paint, and more wallpaper. Yes, the lovely previous owners of the home decided that removing the original wallpaper was too much work so they would simply paint over it. Then they must have decided to re-wallpaper and alas, one more layer for us to scrape! We striped the walls to the drywall only to find that the drywall couldn't be sanded smooth enough to re-paint. And that's where we left it. We shut the door and put up a lovely sign that reads "Under construction: please use upstairs bathroom". Out of sight, out of mind, right? Ehhh for a while. But now I'm sick of always having to run upstairs. I'm embarrassed to tell our guests that our bathroom is STILL not finished. So, my goal for this month is to finish the bathroom. We will demolish it and start from scratch - new drywall, new fixtures, new paint - new everything! I'm hoping I'll have a finished picture to share soon!
As for the other D-I-Y home projects on my list, the ugly red-walled guest bedroom is next followed by repainting the kitchen cabinets (my temporary fix until we can remodel). In the Spring we plan to do some new landscaping with the help of my green-thumbed parents. And then there's a house full of white woodwork that could use a fresh coat of paint - or at least a good cleaning! Oh the joys of home ownership! The list never ends!
Wednesday, February 3
A Little Perspective... and A Little Sleep
For the past twelve weeks I have been facilitating a grief support group for children at a local non-profit agency. Each of the children lost a parent to death - be it suicide, an accident, or cancer. I had seven amazing children in my group, ranging in age from 4 to 8. I was a little (okay, very) nervous at first to be talking about death with such young children. Did they understand what it meant to die? Would they cry all the time? Would I be able to answer all their questions? In looking back at the last twelve weeks, I realized I had absolutely nothing to be nervous about. In fact, those seven children gave me a little perspective on my own life and in the end, aided in me overcome my insomnia (if even just for one night).
Last night we had a big party to celebrate the completion of the program. The kids invited their parents to come to the classroom and learn about what they had been doing for the last twelve weeks. Here I thought they would talk about all the great lessons they learned like "It's okay to be sad" and "I should talk to someone when I'm angry." No, not my kids. Instead they shared all the funny and embarrassing moments of the twelve weeks... like the time the youngest girl farted while we were reading a story. And the time one of the boys glued his finger to the table. Or the volcano activity spilling uncontrollably onto the floor. The parents got a good laugh and I'm sure I turned a nice shade of pink. In the end, all the kids had fun and they all learned how to cope with their parent's death. What surprised me, though, was how much I learned from the kids. They reminded me of the innocence of childhood and the sweetness that comes along with simply not caring that you told the class your mom's most embarrassing habits. They reminded me to be thankful for a life with TWO parents and to not take that fact for granted. They taught me about hope that is so pure and love that is so unconditional.
I admit there were nights when I'd come home from a class with the kids completely exhausted, longing for the twelfth week. There were nights when the kids did so much giggling and acted so darn silly I was certain they weren't "getting it". But last night I was a little sad as each of the kids hugged me goodbye and gave me their hand-made pictures and thank you cards. And the BEST part of last night's celebration: I was so completely exhausted that I slept more than I have all week. In fact, I slept until almost 3am... nearly 5 whole hours of sweet, sweet sleep!! Hallelujah!!
Last night we had a big party to celebrate the completion of the program. The kids invited their parents to come to the classroom and learn about what they had been doing for the last twelve weeks. Here I thought they would talk about all the great lessons they learned like "It's okay to be sad" and "I should talk to someone when I'm angry." No, not my kids. Instead they shared all the funny and embarrassing moments of the twelve weeks... like the time the youngest girl farted while we were reading a story. And the time one of the boys glued his finger to the table. Or the volcano activity spilling uncontrollably onto the floor. The parents got a good laugh and I'm sure I turned a nice shade of pink. In the end, all the kids had fun and they all learned how to cope with their parent's death. What surprised me, though, was how much I learned from the kids. They reminded me of the innocence of childhood and the sweetness that comes along with simply not caring that you told the class your mom's most embarrassing habits. They reminded me to be thankful for a life with TWO parents and to not take that fact for granted. They taught me about hope that is so pure and love that is so unconditional.
I admit there were nights when I'd come home from a class with the kids completely exhausted, longing for the twelfth week. There were nights when the kids did so much giggling and acted so darn silly I was certain they weren't "getting it". But last night I was a little sad as each of the kids hugged me goodbye and gave me their hand-made pictures and thank you cards. And the BEST part of last night's celebration: I was so completely exhausted that I slept more than I have all week. In fact, I slept until almost 3am... nearly 5 whole hours of sweet, sweet sleep!! Hallelujah!!
Tuesday, February 2
Insomnia
I am failing on my promise to be a better blogger. But I do have a good excuse, or I'd like to think that I do anyways. For the past several weeks, I've been experiencing insomnia. I'm talking true, up all night, haven't slept in days, insomnia. I have never in my life had trouble sleeping. EVER. In fact, my family and friends would tease me about my ability to fall asleep anywhere. I've always had the sleeping habits of an 80 year old: to bed early and up at the crack of dawn. It's worked for me. Until now. I have my theories as to what might be causing this insomnia and I'll share that another time but for now I'm simply sharing this because it's driving me crazy! I spend my nights lying in bed, tossing from one side to the next. I'll spend a few hours on the couch, catching up on infomercials and the occasional 3am re-run of the Real Housewives of Orange County. Sometimes I wake Dave up to join me in my misery because let's face it, who wants to be up all night alone. What's funny is that this weekend I had no trouble taking a short nap in the middle of day... but as soon as the stars fill the sky, no sleep. Insomnia has left me grumpy, exhausted, fatigued, and angry! So, instead of filling my blog with random, sleep-deprived thoughts (pretty much like this) I have decided to stay away from the blog until sleep decides to be my friend again. And Lord, please let that be soon!
Thursday, January 21
Identity Crisis
Okay, so maybe calling it an identity crisis is a little extreme but I am certainly experiencing some sort of identity shake-up. You see, I was so comfortable living the life of a student for so many years that entering the "real world" has really shaken me up a little. It's been almost nine months since I finished graduate school and since I started my "grown-up job"... but for some reason, I still find myself longing for that student life.
There is so much about the student life that appeals to me. First, there's the flexibility of the scheduling. I determined if I was going to have morning or evening classes. I was able to fit a work-out into the middle of the day without hurry. I could spend hours at Barnes and Nobel or a coffee shop, writing papers or finishing readings for class. Yes, the flexibility is certainly something I miss. I also miss the learning. I really enjoy sitting in a class with other students learning about things that I am passionate about... increasing my knowledge. I love the smell of new textbooks and the way my hand hurts after taking notes during a lecture. Call me a nerd, but learning is something I really enjoy. And lastly, I miss being surrounded by my friends. I miss living in the dorms, where friends are just next door. Or in an apartment with one of my oldest friends, watching hours of reality television to take a break from our graduate studies. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he makes a great roommate but there is something about college life... something about the schedule, the learning, the friends... that makes me think its way more fun than the "real world".
I was so eager to graduate, both from undergrad and graduate school. When I was offered a job prior to graduating this past May, I considered myself fortunate and accepted the first position offered to me, fearing that there might not be any other offers given the state of our economy. I always enjoyed working in the area of health care but I was a little apprehensive about working with adults instead of children. My passion, my focus, had always been on working with children. After months of training, I officially started seeing Oncology patients at a local hospital and that's where I am today. Oncology is hard. HARD. And exhausting. So many people say it's also rewarding but right now I just feel like it's hard, emotionally draining, and a lot of work. Maybe it's not just oncology. Maybe it's just having a regular full-time job that's exhausting. Having REAL responsibility really isn't fun. Is it bad to admit that? Is it bad to some days just want to be a student again? Because today, I'm admitting that the real world is hard and that I would LOVE to be a student again.
The thing I miss the most about being a student is the hope, the optimism, the opportunities... the world is literally at your feet when you are a student. You can explore what you are passionate about and dream big dreams. I'm a little sad that once you walk across that stage, receive your diploma, and flip your tassel, reality sets in. The truth is, we all need to graduate at some point. And today, I am reminding myself that even though I've finished school, I don't have to give up that hope, optimism, and passion. It's okay for me to think my job is hard to question whether it's a good fit for me. It's okay for me to think to the future, about the doors that will continue to open. Today, it's okay to be a little sad that I'm not a student anymore. Yes, I'm experiencing an identity shake-up and I'm realizing that it is perfectly okay.
There is so much about the student life that appeals to me. First, there's the flexibility of the scheduling. I determined if I was going to have morning or evening classes. I was able to fit a work-out into the middle of the day without hurry. I could spend hours at Barnes and Nobel or a coffee shop, writing papers or finishing readings for class. Yes, the flexibility is certainly something I miss. I also miss the learning. I really enjoy sitting in a class with other students learning about things that I am passionate about... increasing my knowledge. I love the smell of new textbooks and the way my hand hurts after taking notes during a lecture. Call me a nerd, but learning is something I really enjoy. And lastly, I miss being surrounded by my friends. I miss living in the dorms, where friends are just next door. Or in an apartment with one of my oldest friends, watching hours of reality television to take a break from our graduate studies. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he makes a great roommate but there is something about college life... something about the schedule, the learning, the friends... that makes me think its way more fun than the "real world".
I was so eager to graduate, both from undergrad and graduate school. When I was offered a job prior to graduating this past May, I considered myself fortunate and accepted the first position offered to me, fearing that there might not be any other offers given the state of our economy. I always enjoyed working in the area of health care but I was a little apprehensive about working with adults instead of children. My passion, my focus, had always been on working with children. After months of training, I officially started seeing Oncology patients at a local hospital and that's where I am today. Oncology is hard. HARD. And exhausting. So many people say it's also rewarding but right now I just feel like it's hard, emotionally draining, and a lot of work. Maybe it's not just oncology. Maybe it's just having a regular full-time job that's exhausting. Having REAL responsibility really isn't fun. Is it bad to admit that? Is it bad to some days just want to be a student again? Because today, I'm admitting that the real world is hard and that I would LOVE to be a student again.
The thing I miss the most about being a student is the hope, the optimism, the opportunities... the world is literally at your feet when you are a student. You can explore what you are passionate about and dream big dreams. I'm a little sad that once you walk across that stage, receive your diploma, and flip your tassel, reality sets in. The truth is, we all need to graduate at some point. And today, I am reminding myself that even though I've finished school, I don't have to give up that hope, optimism, and passion. It's okay for me to think my job is hard to question whether it's a good fit for me. It's okay for me to think to the future, about the doors that will continue to open. Today, it's okay to be a little sad that I'm not a student anymore. Yes, I'm experiencing an identity shake-up and I'm realizing that it is perfectly okay.
Wednesday, January 13
Prayers for Haiti
Today my prayers are with the people of Haiti. With those who are suffering, those who have lost someone they love, and those who are waiting for word of whether their loved ones survived. Today I find my heart heavy with saddness for a country already ravaged by poverty and disease. I will never understand why things like this happen in places plagued with suffering and injustice... and I will most certainly never deem it fair. My heart aches for the children who will now become one of the world's voiceless - one of the nearly 150 million orphans in our world. I pray that the beautiful people of Haiti feel God's grace, love, and mercy today as they seek comfort and understanding... as they search for a renewed faith in our Father. I hope you'll join me in praying for Haiti today, tomorrow, and until a sense of peace and hope has been restored to its people.
The above photograph is from National Geographic online.
Tuesday, January 5
Christmas & The New Year
I have been an incredibly terrible blogger lately... I apologize! I know that most people have taken down all their Christmas decorations and are already moving on to the next holiday (yes, Valentine's Day is a holiday!!). Nonetheless, here is a little update from our first Christmas and New Year as husband and wife!
We started our Christmas celebrations with Christmas Eve at my parents house. We had a delicious dinner and then went to the candlelight service at church. I LOVE worshiping at my parents' church on Christmas Eve. The music, the candles, the sermon... it's always exactly what I need to remind myself of Jesus' birth and the reason for Christmas. After church, we went back to my parents' house to open presents. Ever since I was a little girl, we have always opened presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. My parents always told us that if we were good, Santa would come early while we were at church. I always thought I was an EXTRA special child :)
Christmas Day we hosted our first family gathering at our new house. Being the overly organized person that I am, I had all the tables up and and everything ready to go the day before. I prepared the last of the food in the morning and everyone came after morning church. We had a delicious lunch prepared by my grandma, mom, and aunts. We then played family games including Catch Phrase & Apples to Apples. It's become a tradition that we play games as a family after we eat and it's something I really enjoy. We didn't do gifts this year but instead did a baked-goodies exchange. It was a great Christmas overall. I know that Dave missed celebrating with his family (they were still in Peru visiting his sister).
Dave and I exchanged our presents on Christmas Eve. I got him a new watch (he's been hinting for a while he needed one) and tickets to the PGA Championship next August at Whistling Straits. He got me a new digital camera - an incredibly nice one! I've been talking about how I want to take a photography class and improve my skills before we have a family so that I can take great pictures of our kids someday. I didn't take many pictures of Christmas but we did manage to get one of us together by the tree.
We celebrated the new year with some friends. We had dinner at one of Dave's friends' parents house with two other couples. It was great to see everyone and spend some time with people from out of town that we hadn't seen since the wedding. After they all left to go out for the night, we went to my friend Mandie's house and spent the night in with her and her boyfriend, Will. We played games, enjoyed some delicious pie, and just caught up. It was a great time! It was nice to stay in this year.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year! I promise to be a better blogger in 2010 :)
We started our Christmas celebrations with Christmas Eve at my parents house. We had a delicious dinner and then went to the candlelight service at church. I LOVE worshiping at my parents' church on Christmas Eve. The music, the candles, the sermon... it's always exactly what I need to remind myself of Jesus' birth and the reason for Christmas. After church, we went back to my parents' house to open presents. Ever since I was a little girl, we have always opened presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. My parents always told us that if we were good, Santa would come early while we were at church. I always thought I was an EXTRA special child :)
Christmas Day we hosted our first family gathering at our new house. Being the overly organized person that I am, I had all the tables up and and everything ready to go the day before. I prepared the last of the food in the morning and everyone came after morning church. We had a delicious lunch prepared by my grandma, mom, and aunts. We then played family games including Catch Phrase & Apples to Apples. It's become a tradition that we play games as a family after we eat and it's something I really enjoy. We didn't do gifts this year but instead did a baked-goodies exchange. It was a great Christmas overall. I know that Dave missed celebrating with his family (they were still in Peru visiting his sister).
Dave and I exchanged our presents on Christmas Eve. I got him a new watch (he's been hinting for a while he needed one) and tickets to the PGA Championship next August at Whistling Straits. He got me a new digital camera - an incredibly nice one! I've been talking about how I want to take a photography class and improve my skills before we have a family so that I can take great pictures of our kids someday. I didn't take many pictures of Christmas but we did manage to get one of us together by the tree.
We celebrated the new year with some friends. We had dinner at one of Dave's friends' parents house with two other couples. It was great to see everyone and spend some time with people from out of town that we hadn't seen since the wedding. After they all left to go out for the night, we went to my friend Mandie's house and spent the night in with her and her boyfriend, Will. We played games, enjoyed some delicious pie, and just caught up. It was a great time! It was nice to stay in this year.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year! I promise to be a better blogger in 2010 :)
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