Eighty Nine Years

Yesterday, my great grandmother celebrated her eighty-ninth birthday. Although a few weeks ago at her home’s Christmas party I asked her how old she was going to be she said two-hundred. I suppose it all feels the same when you reach a certain milestone in your life. Either way, we celebrated eighty-nine years of the life of Verna Hay (or May as she insists her middle name is) Kulczyski. She was a bit confused and tired yesterday and I don’t think she even realized we were all there to celebrate her birthday but she enjoyed her two pieces of cake and adorned her neck and wrists with some new jewelry, her accessory of choice.









I am so thankful to have had her in my life for almost twenty-five years. Selfishly, I wish she could in fact live to be 200 because I can’t imagine my life without her.

Weekly Pregnancy Post

Thirty-one weeks. There's something about typing that thirty that makes me smile.

When we visited the doctor this week, they gave us all sorts of papers with all sorts of tips for "what do to do when nearing term". This included signs of pre-term labor, what to do if your water breaks, and most importantly how to reach the doctor if you think you're in labor. Apparently, once you hit that thirty week mark, they realize the baby could come before your next visit. While she really won't be full-term until 37 weeks, the doctor likes to be prepared for those "just in case" scenarios. Me too, doc! Me too!

Rather than go through my regular weekly update format, I thought I'd share a few other highlights from the past week, most of which came from our doctor's visit. The first big highlight: baby is already head down. In case you aren't quite versed on pregnancy talk, that means that baby is in position for delivery. ALREADY! Now, I know what you're thinking...she still has nine weeks to go. And just because she's head down doesn't mean she'll necessarily come any earlier. In fact, she could still show us more of that stubborn side and decide to come late. What it does mean is that we have one smart baby. No really, we do. Our doctor told us so. Isn't that what every parent wants to hear? :) We're so proud. Actually, my doctor said that since it's my first and my abdominal muscles are all nice and tight still she likely made her way into position and now won't be able to move out of it. It's rather fun to know exactly where she is positioned now because we can get her to kick and high-five regularly. In fact, our doctor enjoyed playing a few tricks with her at our appointment and got some strong movements out of her. Either way, we're bragging that we have a smart baby. Just indulge us a little and go with it, okay?

Not only do we have a smart baby (did I mention that already? oops, my bad!) but I have been a model pregnant patient according to my doctor. While I was having my "I gained four pounds in two weeks!!!!" freak out moment in our exam room after the nurse left, my doctor was across the hall with a woman who had gained nearly 80 pounds in her pregnancy. EIGHTY!! Oh my goodness. So when our doctor entered the room to hear my moans and groans about putting on a few pounds she informed that she wished all her patients could gain the appropriate amount of weight like me and that brought me back to earth a little. No woman wants to hear she's gained weight, even while pregnant BUT it is inevitable and those Christmas cookies are just too good to say no to :)

We're still working on getting her nursery ready and we're eagerly awaiting our two showers in January. We look forward to finally having things to fill her room with and having supplies ready just in case she does decide to come early. For someone like me, who likes to be prepared, I'm itching to have the house all set up and ready, even if her arrival is still weeks away. It's been difficult focusing on Christmas this year (which would explain why I just started my shopping this weekend) while preparing for baby so we'll be thankful when the new year has come and gone and we'll be preparing for what my dad calls our "second Christmas".

A Home for the Holidays

If you watch just one Christmas program this year, please consider making it CBS's A Home for the Holidays Special.

This Christmas special, sponsored by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Children's Action Network, will share stories of families touched by foster care and adoption. The special will be presented by celebrities including Mira Sorvino, Sara Gilbert, Holly Robinson Peete, and Leah Remini. It will also feature performances by some of today's most popular artists including Katy Perry, Maroon 5, Melissa Ethridge, Ricky Martin, and Nelly.

Most importantly, the special will share stories of the more than 114,000 children in the U.S. foster care system. It will remind you that these children are in foster care through no fault of their own but rather as a result of abuse, neglect, or abandonment. That no child is too old to be adopted. That most children wait 3-5 years in the foster care system before being adopted. That it costs virtually nothing to adopt from the foster care system. And that a child is a child no matter what their circumstances and that they all want and deserve a loving, permanent home and family.

A Home for the Holidays will air on CBS on December 22nd at 7pm.

Weekly Pregnancy Post

Pardon the terribleness of the pictures I post each week. Dave caught me this time in the middle of baking during this Sunday blizzard. He insists that we can only take pictures on Sundays because that's the day that truly marks the beginning of the new week. After morning church I usually trade in for some sweats and that's the point I usually think to take a picture. I swear I actually look much nicer during the work week :)

How Far Along: Thirty weeks. As Dave pointed out today, we are three-quarters of the way to her birth day!

Pregnancy Symptoms: Aching hips and feet. My feet have grown by at least a half size and now that it's officially winter in Wisconsin, I can't get away with wearing flats all the time. I dug out an old pair of winter boots from my mom's closet (since mine no longer fit) and luckily they fit quite well. Putting the boots on is a challenge in themselves but hey, at least my feet won't freeze!

Food Cravings: Chips Ahoy cookies with cold milk. Deeeeelliiisshhh.

The Belly: Well hello big belly! I had thought that I had already "popped" but apparently this was the week in which everyone else thought I popped as well. Everyone from co-workers to family to friends apparently noticed that I was pregnant this week. I even got the "your belly is so big" comment numerous times. While most women dread this comment, I welcomed it after months of hearing that I didn't look pregnant or that my belly appeared to not be growing. There are the occasional people, however, who say absolutely inappropriate things such as "it looks like your hips are getting wider also" or "I can tell you've gained some weight now". Those things...not really what a pregnant lady wants to hear, even if they are true. I'm well aware I'm gaining weight. Hello! I AM pregnant after all. And my hips, well I certainly hope they widen or she won't be able to get out of my belly. This week also drew some feelers - you know, those people who feel the need to touch your belly without asking. I absolutely hate when people touch my belly. Unless your my husband or family, and you've politely asked, there is no reason for you to touch my belly. I'll never understand why people feel that this is okay.

Worst Pregnancy Moment of the Week: The braxton hicks contractions have started and at times can actually be rather intense. They don't come every day and sometimes they only last a few seconds but there can be one or two that really throw my for a loop and I wonder if I'm not about to go into labor. I suppose this is what happens when it's your first baby and you really don't know what to expect. Plus, I'm the first to admit I'm big wuss when it comes to pain... labor should be oh-so-fun for Dave :)

Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Lots of movement. We love that she's so active right now and that she's the perfect size (three pounds, 15 inches long) to feel those strong movements in my belly. Dave loves to watch and feel her move and talks to her. I swear she knows exactly who he is because as soon as she hears his voice or feels his hands, she'll follow him or react. It's absolutely precious. I enjoy my quiet time with her and I'm sure she appreciates not having to listen to me talk all day sometimes. I hear these movements start to decrease a little as she gets bigger and has less room to move around in there so we're savoring the moments now.

My First Adoption

I have been waiting ever-so-patiently (okay, more like incredibly eagerly) since starting my new job to witness my first adoption finalization. Today was finally the day! For those of you familiar with the adoption world, you know the amount of preparation, hard work, emotion, time, and most importantly faith that goes into the adoption process. For children being adopted from the foster care system, this process can last years and includes challenges and demands that range from mandatory birthparent visits to termination of parental rights (TPR) hearings. The process is not for the faint of heart. I like to think that as an Adoption Social Worker I will get as much joy out of an adoption finalization as the family but really, it is the child who we celebrate at these finalization hearings and the true joy lies within the fact that they will forever have a family and that their life in the "system" has finally come to a close.

The adoption I witnessed today was so incredibly beautiful. A beautiful little child was welcomed into their new family with their family and friends present. What I found extra-special about this adoption was the fact that it was an African family adopting an American child. My perspecticve shifted a little. Here I was this American woman with dreams of adopting an African child of my own someday, sitting next to this beautiful African couple who felt the urge to welcome a precious American child into their home. I loved how at one point the judge said, "I believe it really does take a village to raise a child", a true African proverb and a concept that I know will not be lost with this family. I felt incredibly honored to have sat in the court room with this family, their friends, and fellow adoption workers as we witnessed the moment a child was an orphan no more. I witnessed pure love today in the form of adoption and it was simply beautiful.

I will never forget this adoption and this family whose special day I was so privileged to be a part of. It's moments like this that make the challenges of adoption and stress of the social work profession all worth it :)

Weekly Pregnancy Post

We're now certified to become parents. Or so we'd like to think. We completed our final birthing class on Saturday and received a nice little certificate saying we successfully learned everything we need to know to have this baby. Or so we'd like to think. Either way, we're more prepared for birth and newborn care and we're getting more and more excited (and admittedly anxious) with each passing week. To top it off, Wisconsin got its first snowfall this weekend which made it officially feel more like winter...meaning her due date feels that much more close.

How Far Along: 29 Weeks

Pregnancy Symptoms: Same old, same old....exhaustion, leg cramps, hip pain, inability to sleep, and forgetfulness. I'm officially at the point where I cannot tie my shoes and shaving my legs is nearly impossible. I tend to be more clumsy these days, dropping things all day long, and it's nearly impossible to bend over comfortably. Thankfully, I don't even have to ask Dave to pick up things off the floor anymore - he's so good to me. I'm especially moody these days. One minute I'm happy and the next, well Dave will tell you the littlest thing will just send me over the edge. He was so happy to hear in our birthing class that those mood swings don't go away for quite some time after birth. Here he thought my hormones would go back to normal after having the baby. Poor guy :)

Nursery Progress: She has furniture! And curtains! But that's about it. We are so thankful to my parents who spent their Sunday helping us pick up our nursery furniture and who stayed to help get it assembled. I knew that I wouldn't be of much use to Dave when it came to setting up the crib so my Dad stuck around to help. They did a fabulous job and her room is slowly coming together. Remember last week when I said how disappointed I was that they didn't have our furniture in white? Well I'm glad they didn't because the Espresso-colored furniture looks so absolutely perfect with the light pink walls and white woodwork. We found a beautiful, inexpensive rocking chair at Target that my parents decided to purchase for me as an early birthday present and we can't wait for it to be delivered. Her room is finally starting to come together...just a few accessories to soften it up a little and prepare it for practical use and we'll be ready for baby!

Food Cravings: Chocolate chip pancakes. Thankfully, the hubby makes killer pancakes and the past few Sunday mornings he has so graciously dragged his butt out of bed to make me a delicious breakfast. I'm enjoying fruit recently, especially organic oranges and clementines. I still love pasta and bread and cannot seem to get enough milk and cheese!

Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Besides getting her crib put together and the fact that her room is starting to look more like a nursery, the best moment of the week was finally being able to distinguish her feet and hands with her movements. She's been moving a lot for quite a few weeks now but until this week, her movements were rather random and it she turned so often it was hard to tell what body part was where. This week we've felt some strong kicks and I've even noticed a tiny foot on my belly. Today she gave me a strong kick when I poked her little foot and she attempts to high-five Dave when he asks real nice :)

The Big Three

Throughout this pregnancy there are three things that people consistently either comment on or ask me about. Chances are, if we've talked in the past seven months, you've probably been among those people. I'm sure many women get these questions while pregnant so I thought I'd share what "the big three" are and how I usually answer.

Number One: "You're still so tiny!"

I get this one A LOT! In fact, I still get shocked looks when I mention being pregnant to people I have never met before. Now I completely understand that most people don't like to assume that a woman is pregnant for fear of insulting them if they are in fact not but common, I'm seven months pregnant and have what appears to be a basketball protruding from my stomach. The rest of my body has remained the same. It's pretty obvious that I'm not just gaining a little weight in my mid-section these days. Once people get over the shock of me telling them how far along I am, they usually ask what my secret is to keeping my belly small. I wish I could take all the credit here but the truth is, it all has to do with my body structure. I have a very long torso and my doctor says that being long and lean means baby has more room to grow vertically instead of outwards, resulting in that unusually large baby bump that some women get. She also said that since I continue to exercise daily and haven't been over-indulging in sweet cravings or "eating for two" as most pregnant women often do, I'm not gaining any unnecessary weight. Only what baby needs to live comfortably in there. While I used to get upset or offended when people made this comment, now I just laugh and remind myself that maybe that means it'll be easier to get back to my pre-baby weight a little quicker than usual. A girl can dream, can't she?

Number Two: "Do you have a name picked out?"

The answer is simple. Yes. We actually had her name picked out very early in the pregnancy, before we even found out she was a girl. The part of answering this question that most people don't like is when I say we aren't telling anyone until after she's born. I learned quickly during our first pregnancy, and even early in this one, that people have an opinion about everything, especially baby names. I remember sharing a few names from our list with family and friends during our last pregnancy and people's reactions astonished me - they would tell us it reminded them of someone famous or someone they knew, they'd make a weird face, or they'd ask where in the world we came up with that one. While we settled on a name early on, I still hesitated to call her by her name (and still do at times) because I know how easily I can change my mind. Dave, on the other hand, calls her by her name daily and she actually responds to him regularly. I feel like at this point there's no turning back without confusing the poor baby what her name is. I will say that a few days ago I was watching the Today show when someone from Baby Center came on to announce the top baby names of 2010. While we knew our baby's name (both first and middle) were among the top 100, I was floored to see just how high her name debuted on the list and immediately felt disappointed. While it's flattering that so many other people find her name just as beautiful, I felt myself wondering if it was wrong to give her such a popular name. Would she always have her last initial tacked onto the end of her name to distinguish her from the others with her name? Would she feel cheated of an original, unique name? Was it selfish to give her such a popular name just because we loved it so much and think it's absolutely perfect for her? I'm sure I'll continue to ponder these things for the next 11 weeks or so but at this point, I just can't imagine her being called anything else. Guess you'll all have to wait in suspense for a few more weeks to find out the full answer to this question.

Number Three: "Are you going to go back to work full-time after having the baby?"

I hate this question. Mostly because I hate the answer. Yes, I am going to be returning to work full-time after having the baby. And it breaks my heart. She already has my heart wrapped around her little fingers. I've mentioned before how difficult it was to determine what our childcare would look like when Dave and I have to go back to work after she's born. I still feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for having to go back to work but I do know that in the end, it is what is best for her and our family. I've worked hard to get my Master's degree and have a career that is rewarding for both me and the children and families I work with. Adoption is my passion and I am excited to started a career as an Adoption Social Worker. And our family, at this point in time, works best with two incomes. I do know, however, that I would ideally like to work part-time in the near future. Eventually, especially after having our second child, I would like to stay home full-time until our children are all in school. The beautiful part of having a Master's degree in Social Work is that the profession is flexible and there are many career paths within Social Work. I could continue to work part-time in Child Welfare, work as an independent Adoption Consultant, or take a few years off before jumping back in. While I know that working with a new baby is going to be incredibly challenging for me personally, I think it's the guilt of leaving her with someone other than me or Dave that gets to me the most. Children do best with their biological families - this is what I hear on a daily basis working with foster and adoptive families. Of course we'll have our set way of raising her - our schedule, values, rules, and norms - and these are things that everyone else will do just a bit different. I would prefer she's with me or Dave at all times but I trust that our childcare facility and my mom (her two primary caregivers aside from us) will not only respect our way of parenting and provide consistency for her, they will provide great, quality care, learning, and plenty of love for her.