Identity Crisis

Okay, so maybe calling it an identity crisis is a little extreme but I am certainly experiencing some sort of identity shake-up. You see, I was so comfortable living the life of a student for so many years that entering the "real world" has really shaken me up a little. It's been almost nine months since I finished graduate school and since I started my "grown-up job"... but for some reason, I still find myself longing for that student life.

There is so much about the student life that appeals to me. First, there's the flexibility of the scheduling. I determined if I was going to have morning or evening classes. I was able to fit a work-out into the middle of the day without hurry. I could spend hours at Barnes and Nobel or a coffee shop, writing papers or finishing readings for class. Yes, the flexibility is certainly something I miss. I also miss the learning. I really enjoy sitting in a class with other students learning about things that I am passionate about... increasing my knowledge. I love the smell of new textbooks and the way my hand hurts after taking notes during a lecture. Call me a nerd, but learning is something I really enjoy. And lastly, I miss being surrounded by my friends. I miss living in the dorms, where friends are just next door. Or in an apartment with one of my oldest friends, watching hours of reality television to take a break from our graduate studies. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he makes a great roommate but there is something about college life... something about the schedule, the learning, the friends... that makes me think its way more fun than the "real world".

I was so eager to graduate, both from undergrad and graduate school. When I was offered a job prior to graduating this past May, I considered myself fortunate and accepted the first position offered to me, fearing that there might not be any other offers given the state of our economy. I always enjoyed working in the area of health care but I was a little apprehensive about working with adults instead of children. My passion, my focus, had always been on working with children. After months of training, I officially started seeing Oncology patients at a local hospital and that's where I am today. Oncology is hard. HARD. And exhausting. So many people say it's also rewarding but right now I just feel like it's hard, emotionally draining, and a lot of work. Maybe it's not just oncology. Maybe it's just having a regular full-time job that's exhausting. Having REAL responsibility really isn't fun. Is it bad to admit that? Is it bad to some days just want to be a student again? Because today, I'm admitting that the real world is hard and that I would LOVE to be a student again.

The thing I miss the most about being a student is the hope, the optimism, the opportunities... the world is literally at your feet when you are a student. You can explore what you are passionate about and dream big dreams. I'm a little sad that once you walk across that stage, receive your diploma, and flip your tassel, reality sets in. The truth is, we all need to graduate at some point. And today, I am reminding myself that even though I've finished school, I don't have to give up that hope, optimism, and passion. It's okay for me to think my job is hard to question whether it's a good fit for me. It's okay for me to think to the future, about the doors that will continue to open. Today, it's okay to be a little sad that I'm not a student anymore. Yes, I'm experiencing an identity shake-up and I'm realizing that it is perfectly okay.

Prayers for Haiti

Today my prayers are with the people of Haiti. With those who are suffering, those who have lost someone they love, and those who are waiting for word of whether their loved ones survived. Today I find my heart heavy with saddness for a country already ravaged by poverty and disease. I will never understand why things like this happen in places plagued with suffering and injustice... and I will most certainly never deem it fair. My heart aches for the children who will now become one of the world's voiceless - one of the nearly 150 million orphans in our world. I pray that the beautiful people of Haiti feel God's grace, love, and mercy today as they seek comfort and understanding... as they search for a renewed faith in our Father. I hope you'll join me in praying for Haiti today, tomorrow, and until a sense of peace and hope has been restored to its people.

The above photograph is from National Geographic online.

Christmas & The New Year

I have been an incredibly terrible blogger lately... I apologize! I know that most people have taken down all their Christmas decorations and are already moving on to the next holiday (yes, Valentine's Day is a holiday!!). Nonetheless, here is a little update from our first Christmas and New Year as husband and wife!

We started our Christmas celebrations with Christmas Eve at my parents house. We had a delicious dinner and then went to the candlelight service at church. I LOVE worshiping at my parents' church on Christmas Eve. The music, the candles, the sermon... it's always exactly what I need to remind myself of Jesus' birth and the reason for Christmas. After church, we went back to my parents' house to open presents. Ever since I was a little girl, we have always opened presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. My parents always told us that if we were good, Santa would come early while we were at church. I always thought I was an EXTRA special child :)

Christmas Day we hosted our first family gathering at our new house. Being the overly organized person that I am, I had all the tables up and and everything ready to go the day before. I prepared the last of the food in the morning and everyone came after morning church. We had a delicious lunch prepared by my grandma, mom, and aunts. We then played family games including Catch Phrase & Apples to Apples. It's become a tradition that we play games as a family after we eat and it's something I really enjoy. We didn't do gifts this year but instead did a baked-goodies exchange. It was a great Christmas overall. I know that Dave missed celebrating with his family (they were still in Peru visiting his sister).

Dave and I exchanged our presents on Christmas Eve. I got him a new watch (he's been hinting for a while he needed one) and tickets to the PGA Championship next August at Whistling Straits. He got me a new digital camera - an incredibly nice one! I've been talking about how I want to take a photography class and improve my skills before we have a family so that I can take great pictures of our kids someday. I didn't take many pictures of Christmas but we did manage to get one of us together by the tree.



We celebrated the new year with some friends. We had dinner at one of Dave's friends' parents house with two other couples. It was great to see everyone and spend some time with people from out of town that we hadn't seen since the wedding. After they all left to go out for the night, we went to my friend Mandie's house and spent the night in with her and her boyfriend, Will. We played games, enjoyed some delicious pie, and just caught up. It was a great time! It was nice to stay in this year.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year! I promise to be a better blogger in 2010 :)