Weekly Pregnancy Post

How Far Along: 23 Weeks

Pregnancy Symptoms: There are so many things about pregnancy that I wasn't aware of until recently. Like nosebleeds - I don't recall ever having one in my life until this past week when a regular old sneeze led to a nose bleed. After further research, I realized this is actually quite common during pregnancy. I also didn't realize that my feet could actually grow. I was aware of foot swelling during pregnancy but my feet have grown a good half size larger. All my shoes are too tight and I come home from work begging Dave for a foot rub - to which he usually obliges and during which I usually laugh hysterically from how much it tickles. I was told that my feet wouldn't magically shrink back that half size after I have the baby but I'm still holding out hope that maybe it's just some swelling that's making them feel longer. I love buying shoes as much as the next girl but not if my feet are going to go back to their regular size in a few months. I'm still having awful leg and hip pains that only seem to get worse each week. They are making sleep impossible and incredibly uncomfortable.

Food Cravings: Those cheese cravings are slowly finding their way back into my life. I'm careful not to over-indulge in them for fear I may end up really disliking cheese after this pregnancy and I certainly don't want to go that route. I'm still eating lots of bread and pasta and chocolate... oh chocolate! It's my new best friend. Baby loves her some chocolate and it's a sure way to get her moving. I'm good about limiting that each day as well but it's definitely a lot harder to resist while pregnant. The worst craving of the week was Pic N' Save's chocolate chip muffins from the bakery. All week I would tell Dave I wanted one but held out until Friday night's grocery shopping to indulge. Imagine my great shock and disappointment when I head to the bakery only to learn they no longer carry the ones I love and that they've been replaced by these nasty little things. Nothing is worse than a craving that cannot be satisfied. If you've ever been pregnant, you can appreciate my pain on this one :)

What I Love Most about Being Pregnant: Instead of a "what I miss" this week I thought I'd share what I love the most about being pregnant right now and that is feeling her move. In the past week alone her movements have really intensified and she's developing a more regular pattern. She wakes me up nice and early with her kicks, usually to tell me it's time to eat. I have a feeling this will be a familiar pattern come February. Dave has been enjoying feeling her kicks as well now that they are getting stronger. This week we started reading to her and playing music for her to really get her going. It is so amazing to think that those tiny movements I feel inside me are coming from my daughter.

Maternity Clothes: I hate maternity clothes. I started out appreciating their comfortability - and by that I mean no buttons and lots of elastic. As my belly is growing, I realize just how uncomfortable they can be. The butt on my pants is always saggy and shirts just still aren't long enough since I started with a long torso to begin with. And the selection is just pitiful, at least at all reasonably-priced stores like Kohls and Target. And since I cannot justifying spending $100 on a pair of pants at Gap Maternity that I'll only wear for a few short months, I have no choice but to pull on those frumpy, saggy pants. So yes, you'll likely see me in the same few outfits and I make no apologies.

Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Buying baby the most adorable designer clothes at 65% off. My mom's friend Amy and her daughter invited us to this fabulous designer warehouse sale in Milwaukee's Third Ward today and I am so glad we went! They had the most beautiful dresses for little girls... clothes that I would never have been able to afford or even dare to buy for a baby unless they were on sale like they were today. I wish I had taken pictures before mom hijacked them to show the ladies at her work. Mom bought her this beautiful long, wool, pink and black pea coat for next winter, when she's closer to a year old. The best part was the price - only $45 for a $250 coat! Baby girl is going to be styling. We bought lots of beautiful dresses for the upcoming year, too. It was so much fun picking out special stuff for her - stuff that's just a little bit nicer than the rest of her wardrobe. It's always nice to find unique baby clothes.

Weekly Pregnancy Post

Twenty-two weeks. 22 just so happens to be my favorite number, too. While I wouldn't mind if she decided to make her debut a week or two early, I think 2/22 would be a good birthday for baby girl. If she decided to arrive on my birthday I wouldn't object either :)

This post will take on a little different format. I feel like I've hit the point in the pregnancy where I've really begun to process the fact that in 18 weeks (give or take) I'll have a daughter. Dave and I will become entirely responsible for the well-being of a little human being. Everything we do - every decision we make - will impact her life. Talk about responsibility. These are things that we talked about before we even decided to have a baby but suddenly, when you become pregnant and you watch this tiny life grow inside of you, the future becomes so much more real.

We've been spending time talking about our hopes and dreams for our daughter. We talk about the values we hope to instill in her, the type of parents we hope to be, and what we think her future might look like. We reflect on our own childhoods - what were our favorite parts? What did our parents do while raising us that we will or won't do? What family traditions will we have? I enjoy thinking about all the things I hope to do with my own daughter. I think about my relationship with my mother and how thankful I am to have her as one my best friends. I look forward to watching her relationship with my daughter grow, too - I think she'll be the most wonderful grandmother and I know she'll share an extra special bond with her the way that only grandmothers can.

This week I've realized that pregnancy has heightened my sensitivity towards others, especially the poor and lonely. The homeless man in the park who watches as Dave and I enjoy our lunch on a nearby picnic table; the elderly lady behind me at the grocery store who didn't have the money to pay for her bread and potatoes; the woman who sat alone in front of me on a Saturday night at the movie theater - each of them broke me in a way that was different than before. The hormones have also instilled some crazy emotions and fears in me. I worry now more than ever before that something is going to happen to Dave, leaving me alone with a baby and leaving our daughter without a father. I suppose these are all normal parts of pregnancy but this week I've noticed them more than others.

My favorite part of this past week was hearing people say that I finally looked pregnant. Not just on one day, in a particular outfit, but every day. For weeks people have been telling me that I just don't look too pregnant yet - that sometimes if I wore the right shirt, you could maybe make out a baby bump. I hated that in-between phase. But this week, the baby bump just grew and grew. I told Dave that sometimes I felt like it grew from the time I got dressed in the morning to the time I get ready for bed. It's certainly fun watching the progression and reading about how she's growing in there. And her kicking is really starting to increase. Dave got to feel a few good kicks this week but she still keeps the strong ones just for her mommy.

Week twenty-two. I'm so happy we're more than half-way to meeting our daughter.

A Calling

So many people have asked me over the past few weeks how my new job is going. I never really know how to answer that question - partly because I'm still in training and partly because I just don't know how to answer that question. In the past month of the new job, I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed, confused, unsure, and surprised. The job I thought I was getting into is actually quite different than what I thought it would be and the adoption world I am joining is very very different than the one that I am familiar with. While all that is true, it doesn't mean that I don't, or will not, like the job and that I won't do well in it. In fact, the more I learn each day about the job and about Child Welfare, the more the uncertainty, confusion, and overwhelming feelings fade. You see, while I work for a private Child Welfare agency, I am working with the Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare - the State's Child Welfare institution. In essence, while I am working for a private agency, I am not working in the area of private adoptions. All of the children I will work with will be Milwaukee County foster children - they are children with special needs, children with significant issues (mostly behavioral), and children who likely have a long history in the child welfare system. It can be incredibly difficult to find adoptive families for these children, especially the older children. The process for adopting these children is also very different than what I am used to. While there are homestudies and licensing regulations, most families work with the biological families prior to the adoption - they may first be foster parents and have a series of visits with the children prior to determining if adoption is a good fit. It is a complex process and system that I am learning so much about.

So what made me so unsure and confused in the beginning? I always said I didn't want to work for the Bureau. I never wanted to work in Child Protective Services. And I certainly never wanted to detain children... I don't want to be responsible for physically taking a child from their parents. A part of the training that I am completing for this new job is a 12 week academy through the Bureau. I am training with people who will in fact be the social workers responsible for detaining children, social workers who will serve as ongoing case managers, and those who will work on creating safety plans so that children can remain with their biological children after abuse or maltreatment takes place. These first few weeks I've found my personal views on child welfare being challenged - my personal opinions on what should happen to a child or parent when abuse or neglect takes place at times contradict what I am being told I must profesionally value. You can imagine how difficult it is to manage conflicting personal and professional values... especially those that challenge my religious beliefs.

This past Sunday our pastor shared a sermon as a part of our Discovering Transformation series. It couldn't have come at a better time for me. He spoke about work and how we're gifted by God to work. That work is done, should be done, to honor God. We really have three ways to look at our work: as a job, as a career, or as a calling. We can decide to work because we need to have a job to pay the bills and support our families. We can have a career that focuses on our personal accomplishments and growth within a job. Or we can consider our work our calling - a gift from God that challenges us to partner with Him to make a difference in the world. When I took this new job, I think I first thought of it as just a job. We were having a baby and I knew that we would need two incomes to be able to provide for her basic needs. Then I began to think of it as the start to my career - here I was turning my personal passion into my career. I saw this job as a starting point to eventually working in the area of private international adoptions (and yes, I still do hope to eventually work for a Christian, private adoption agency that specializes in international adoptions). What I didn't realize was that this is truly my calling and I need to change my frame of mind to really see it that way. While I am certainly providing for my family and furthering my career, first and foremost, I am making a difference. I am using the passion, gifts, and opportunities that God has given me to make a difference in the lives of children who need and deserve loving, forever families. I am literally following his command to care for orphans and defend the cause of the fatherless. I am blessed to have the opportunity to answer His call - to walk hand in hand with Him to change the lives of children and families in my own community. I think God knew I needed that reassurance and comfort on Sunday about my work as an Adoption Social Worker. I needed to know that He really needs me to wake up each morning and head to my job because if I didn't, His work just wouldn't be complete.

While I still have much to learn about the logistics and realities of my job and child welfare in general, I am feeling much more confident and excited about my new position. I know I will continue to struggle with some of the professional and personal beliefs in relation to this position, I am approaching them with an open mind and am being flexible about my need to be open to change. While I know this isn't the position I'll be in forever, it is the perfect position for me at this point in my life. It also happens to be the position God needed to put me in to be His partner in this world.

So, if in the past few weeks you've asked me how the new job is going and I haven't really answered, go ahead and ask me again. I may just have a different answer :)

Fall

Dave and I just had to get out and enjoy the beautiful, unseasonably-warm Wisconsin weather this weekend so we headed to Harrington Beach State Park for some hiking. There was a beautiful old quarry lake filled with families enjoying picnic lunches and lots of kids fishing. We took to the trail around the quarry and enjoyed some of the changing leaves along the way - unfortunately, since we were right along Lake Michigan, some of the trees had already changed over and lost all their leaves but it was still beautiful! While we were there we both kept saying how much fun it will be next summer and fall when we can take baby girl hiking with us. Until then, we're enjoying our little family of two :)

Weekly Pregnancy Post

I've been terrible at blogging during the week and even though I promised this blog wouldn't turn into everything baby related, it has. I suppose that has something to do with the excitement factor in our lives these days - it all centers around baby. I promise I'll catch up with a few other posts this week but for now, here's the weekly pregnancy post.



How Far Along: 21 Weeks

Pregnancy Symptoms: This was a good week. I'm slowly getting over the cold and starting to feel more energized. My biggest complaint is still the pains I'm feeling in my hips, tailbone, and legs. The leg cramps themselves haven't been as bad since I'm getting more potassium and staying hydrated, but I did wake up screaming with a charlie horse in my calf the other night - thankfully Dave rubbed it out and let me cry in pain for a while (sound familiar, Safi?).

Cravings: Chocolate and cheeseburgers. No, not together, thankfully. I haven't been eating much meat during this pregnancy but randomly craved a cheeseburger the other day. The hubby was happy to fire up the grill and cook up some burgers and they were delicious! Baby girl also has grown to love chocolate and this mom-to-be isn't complaining one bit. I keep the indulgences to a minimum (most days) but chocolate is a sure way to get her moving these days. I'm praying the chocolate doesn't have a lasting effect into her toddler years :)

Maternity Clothes: I hate that Wisconsin can't seem to decide if it wants to be fall or summer. It's been unseasonably warm recently which makes dressing a bit of challenge since I didn't need to purchase any summer maternity clothes. All my pants are either for work or winter - it's no fun wearing cords when it's 80 degrees outside. Same goes for my tops. The short-sleeved shirts are getting just a bit too short. I never thought I'd say this but I'm ready for winter. I'm ready pull on my warm maternity cords and sweaters and be comfortable. I finally gave in and bought two more pairs of work pants and a couple shirts... I think I'm good to go for a while now. I'm enjoying buying baby clothes far more than maternity clothes anyways!

What I Miss: Nothing in particular this week. I'd say that second trimester honeymoon phase has returned for now - I hope it stays for a while!

Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Dave got to feel baby girl's kicks for the first time last Sunday night. I have been feeling quite a bit of motion for a while now but nothing strong enough for Dave to feel. We were sitting on the couch enjoying some Sunday-night TV when I felt some pretty strong kicks. I helped Dave's hand navigate around the belly for a while in search of the kicks and sure enough, she gave him some nice strong ones for a good few minutes. I think the only other time I've seen Dave that happy and excited was on our wedding day. I can't wait for her kicks to be even stronger and for her movements to become more regular. Although I must say, since that day Dave hasn't been able to feel many strong kicks again. Baby girl will kick away for me but the second Dave puts his hand there she stops. He talks to her, begging for her to kick but nope - I think she likes to play games with him. She sure is one stubborn little baby already!

Weekly Pregnancy Post

We've officially made it to the half-way point in our pregnancy - that is if she decides to wait the full 40 weeks to make her debut. Some days I feel like this pregnancy is going so fast and others I feel like I've been pregnant forever. I think that has something to do with the miscarriage earlier in the year - in fact, our first baby was due just two weeks ago...I can't believe how fast those nine months came and went. I have a feeling these last 20 weeks will go by quickly as well!

How Far Along: 20 Weeks

Pregnancy Symptoms: The only true pregnancy symptoms these week were some nausea and tiredness. I've apparently come down with a cold and it's true when they say that every symptom while pregnant is magnified. I'm also told that it can take three-times as long to get over a cold which would be just lovely. I was most worried that being sick could harm the baby but the strep tests came back negative and the doctor assured me that she'll be just fine in there. My body is working extra hard these days to keep her safe while I feel miserable but I'm just fine with that... as long as she stays healthy, I can endure a few weeks of sore throats, runny noses, and no sleep. This also explains why I look absolutely terrible in this week's bump picture above - no sleep, a fever, and complete misery make an icky-looking mom-to-be!

Food Cravings: I haven't had many cravings this week... or much of an appetite for that matter. Perhaps that has something to do with being sick. The one thing I did look forward to all week was my mom's homemade beef stew on Saturday night - delicious!! It was just what I needed. And it was nice not to have to prepare it myself. I love that you're never too old to go home :)

What I Miss: Sleeping. I'm back to spending most of my nights tossing and turning or lying on the couch watching infomercials. I'm sure being sick hasn't helped the cause but I find that I'm having terrible hip pain when I'm lying down or sitting for a while which can make sleeping an impossible task. I suppose I'm just preparing for motherhood and those late-night feedings!

Maternity Clothes: I'm managing with just four pairs of maternity pants and a few tops. Some of my regular sweaters and shirts still fit as long as they are long enough. I'm waiting until my belly gets a little bigger because I buy some more pants and shirts because some people have warned me that I may need to go up a size in maternity clothes as I get even further.

Best Pregnancy Moment of the Week: Finding out that we're having a baby girl! And equally as exciting has been looking at cute baby girl clothes. If you know me, you know that I am an incredibly picky person and when it comes to baby stuff, there's so exception. After finding out baby is a girl, we headed to Kohls and Target to look at some summer clearance stuff for next year and some winter stuff but we didn't find much we liked. I just can't help it - I have expensive taste and I'm drawn to Baby Gap like it's a drug. So on Friday night while Dave was at Bayshore having dinner with a friend, I headed to that very heavenly baby store and fantasized for a good hour about owning every item on the shelves. Amazingly, I walked out with only one outfit - and it was all on sale! I found an adorable little onesie that says "I love Daddy" on it and got baby girl her first pair of jeans (dark washed bootcut of course) and a cable-knit sweater. I figured I could justify to Dave my need to buy the outfit for the very fact it was all about daddy... and he agreed :) And this post wouldn't be complete without a picture of it. She's going to be one spoiled little girl. My mom's already given us a couple cute outfits and I have a feeling we'll be visiting the Baby Gap again soon!