Hello, I'm Natasha... the hypocrite

That is how I should have started a presentation I gave yesterday. It would have been a more honest approach to the topic I was presenting on. Let me start from the beginning.

By now you should know that I work for the American Cancer Society. With my job, I work closely with a community hospital to provide support services to cancer patients, their caregivers, and survivors. In addition to my direct patient care, I also am in charge of a slew of other things, including maintaining the "Cancer Awareness" bulletin boards throughout the Cancer Center and giving presentations on the latest cancer news, research, and "hot topics" (as ACS so fondly calls them). May just so happens to be skin cancer awareness month and May 28th is ACS's "Don't Fry Day". Clearly there was no way to avoid presenting on this topic.

While this is certainly my least favorite topic to talk about (as you'll see it probably has something to do with the whole hypocrite thing), I felt incredibly prepared for this presentation. I had the facts. The latest research. I was ready. My goal was to clear up misconceptions of skin cancer and to cause people to think twice about their sun exposure this summer. I started my presentation talking about how the incidence of melanoma (the most fatal of skin cancers) continues to rise significantly, at a rate faster than any of the seven most common cancers. As if that wasn't enough, I continued to inform the audience that skin cancer is actually the most common of all cancers in the United States. More people will be diagnosed with skin cancer this year than breast, prostate, lung, and colon cancer combined. Whether from the sun or an artificial light source, ultraviolet radiation is a carcinogen. It causes cancer. Ahhh yes, they were listening now.

After I spouted off all the facts and figures of skin cancer, I paused for questions. One physician (who's known to be quite the pain in the rear) looked at me and said, "You certainly don't seem to practice what you preach". Excuse me??? He pointed at my skin. My beautifully-browned, perfectly-tanned skin. I was quick to explain that I had just been on vacation in Arizona and that my skin wasn't usually this tan. "Did you wear sunscreen?", he asked. I assured him that yes I had (if an SPF of 4 in my accelerator counts). He then asked if I had ever used a tanning bed, citing that most women my age have an obsession with tanning. Embarrassed, I told him that yes, I had used a tanning bed (but certainly not since last year, when I was trying to have a nice even tan for the wedding). Did I ever think that I could get skin cancer, he asked. He got me. I felt like I was the target of a firing squad. I quickly asked if there were any more questions (thankfully there were not) and ended my presentation. I left before I could be heckled by that mean little doctor any more.

But when I got back to my office I couldn't help by ask myself why I was really bothered by his questions. That's when it hit me. I am a hypocrite. Here I spend my days talking cancer prevention, talking with those facing horrible diagnoses, and I still go home at the end of the day with all my bad "cancer-causing" habits. I love the sun. I love lying out on the beach or next to the pool, lathered in tanning accelerator. I love the convenience of tanning salons... especially when you need to get rid of tan lines to wear that beautiful strapless wedding gown. I am a hypocrite.

I was the target of my own presentation. All those facts, all that information, I should have been the one listening. I wasn't telling everyone to hide from the sun. I was telling them how to be sun-safe. I had all these great suggestions and tips and now, I find that I'm the hypocrite who does nearly opposite of everything I was suggesting.

So, I'm vowing that this summer will be the end of that hypocrisy. I'll start wearing a sunblock with an actual SPF (no, SPF of 4 in accelerator doesn't actually count). I'll pay attention when my skin is telling me it's had enough sun. I'll deal with the tan lines instead of heading for the tanning bed.

Hello, I'm Natasha... the RECOVERING hypocrite.