Supermom

If Supermom were a real life action figure, I'd want to be her. I'd want a fancy cape with a big red "S" on the back and I'd most certainly want all the magical powers that came along with the role...you know, things like calming my crying baby with one gentle look, changing a diaper simply by wishing the foul poop smell away, putting a balanced dinner on the table with the twinkle of my nose, getting all the laundry done with the snap of my fingers, and closing my eyes for just five minutes and waking up feeling as though I've gotten a full night's sleep.

Yes. I wish I was Supermom. And a month ago I was convinced I could be. Unfortunately, I am not. And that became very apparent yesterday.

Anyone who has had a newborn baby enter their life for the first time knows the challenges that come along with the little bundle of joy. You get sent home from the hospital with this sweet little baby who you love more than anyone else in this world. You are prepared to do whatever is necessary to take care of this little baby and to make sure its life is absolutely perfect and that all of its needs are met. While I was still pregnant with Sophia, I imagined what life would be like with her these first few weeks and months home. I knew there'd be lots of diaper changes, lots of feeding, and very little sleep. What I wasn't prepared for was exactly how those seemingly dauntless tasks would affect me personally, both as a mom and as a human being.

Throughout the past (almost) month, I had managed to wear myself down to the point of pure exhaustion. Yesterday morning I realized I was more than just tired as everyone warned me I'd be with a newborn to take care. I was physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. Everyone around me had seen it coming and had noticed the gradual breakdown. I was determined to ignore it and go on thinking that I was Supermom. Certianly I could function on no sleep, isn't that what new moms were supposed to do? And who needs food anyways? I didn't want to admit that I was feeling overwhelmed. I felt like a bad mom. I felt so inadequate in my role as a new mother. I didn't want people to think that I couldn't handle taking care of Sophia. I watched as so many other moms around me went about their lives with their babies and they all looked so perky and wide-eyed. I wanted a strong dose of whatever they were taking to put a little spring in their step. But I digress...back to yesterday morning. Sunday night was the breaking point. Sophia slept for an hour and a half before deciding her time would be much better spent awake, camped out at my boobs for a good five hour long feeding. On and off she'd eat and nap, eat and nap. I'd attempt to lay her down during that napping period only to have her wake up as soon as her sweet little head hit the bassinet. I watched as Dave slept soundly, through all the crying and fussing. For eight hours he slept and slept.

When I woke Dave for work on Monday morning everything hit me. The fact that for nearly a month I hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep in a night. The fact that Sophia eats like a bird, but a hungry bird who wants just a bit of food every hour. The fact that Sophia will only sleep if someone holds her. The fact that I absolutely dislike breastfeeding but am bound and determined to stick with it because it truly is what's best for her. All of these things combined together left my feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and so discouraged. Not to mention the fact that I stopped taking care of myself the moment Sophia entered the world. It's amazing how I went from this pregnant woman who couldn't stop eating to this new mom who couldn't remember the last time I ate something or had a drink of water. It wasn't until yesterday morning when I realized my milk supply was so low that I understood the importance of taking care of myself. All of this was enough to send the hormones raging and the tears a'flowing. This certainly wasn't the way I wanted to start my week.

I am so thankful I have a husband who is willing to put aside work and spend the day taking care of Sophia so that I could take care of myself. Dave spent yesterday working from home, holding Sophia in one arm and responding to emails and drafting documents with the other. I got nearly three solid hours of uninterrupted sleep in the morning. I ate a big lunch and pumped my body full of liquids. I napped on the couch while Dave fed Sophia bottles I had managed to store away. I even made it to the gym where after a nice long walk I felt refreshed. Dave even helped out with the night shift last night so that I could get longer stretches of sleep in. What a difference a day can make. My milk supply is already back up and I woke up feeling more energized and refreshed today. I think I may just have figured out what all those other mom's were taking - sleep and food! Such an easy remedy for an exhausted mama.

I absolutely love being Sophia's mommy. I love the simple things about life with her - even the diaper changes, the midnight feedings, and her fussy times when she lets out the sweetest cries. I know that every new mom has to adjust to this new routine... this new way of life. I know I'm not the first (or last) new mom to reach this breaking point of pure exhaustion. I realize now that it doesn't make me a bad mom. It makes me human. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's my right of passage into motherhood. Motherhood isn't always glamorous but it's always worth it - the good, the bad, and the downright challenging moments, too.

On closer look, I think all moms are Supermoms, just without all those fancy powers. We're all just trying to get by with little sleep, an ounce of sanity, a few prayers and some faith, and a whole lot of love.