The Big Three

Throughout this pregnancy there are three things that people consistently either comment on or ask me about. Chances are, if we've talked in the past seven months, you've probably been among those people. I'm sure many women get these questions while pregnant so I thought I'd share what "the big three" are and how I usually answer.

Number One: "You're still so tiny!"

I get this one A LOT! In fact, I still get shocked looks when I mention being pregnant to people I have never met before. Now I completely understand that most people don't like to assume that a woman is pregnant for fear of insulting them if they are in fact not but common, I'm seven months pregnant and have what appears to be a basketball protruding from my stomach. The rest of my body has remained the same. It's pretty obvious that I'm not just gaining a little weight in my mid-section these days. Once people get over the shock of me telling them how far along I am, they usually ask what my secret is to keeping my belly small. I wish I could take all the credit here but the truth is, it all has to do with my body structure. I have a very long torso and my doctor says that being long and lean means baby has more room to grow vertically instead of outwards, resulting in that unusually large baby bump that some women get. She also said that since I continue to exercise daily and haven't been over-indulging in sweet cravings or "eating for two" as most pregnant women often do, I'm not gaining any unnecessary weight. Only what baby needs to live comfortably in there. While I used to get upset or offended when people made this comment, now I just laugh and remind myself that maybe that means it'll be easier to get back to my pre-baby weight a little quicker than usual. A girl can dream, can't she?

Number Two: "Do you have a name picked out?"

The answer is simple. Yes. We actually had her name picked out very early in the pregnancy, before we even found out she was a girl. The part of answering this question that most people don't like is when I say we aren't telling anyone until after she's born. I learned quickly during our first pregnancy, and even early in this one, that people have an opinion about everything, especially baby names. I remember sharing a few names from our list with family and friends during our last pregnancy and people's reactions astonished me - they would tell us it reminded them of someone famous or someone they knew, they'd make a weird face, or they'd ask where in the world we came up with that one. While we settled on a name early on, I still hesitated to call her by her name (and still do at times) because I know how easily I can change my mind. Dave, on the other hand, calls her by her name daily and she actually responds to him regularly. I feel like at this point there's no turning back without confusing the poor baby what her name is. I will say that a few days ago I was watching the Today show when someone from Baby Center came on to announce the top baby names of 2010. While we knew our baby's name (both first and middle) were among the top 100, I was floored to see just how high her name debuted on the list and immediately felt disappointed. While it's flattering that so many other people find her name just as beautiful, I felt myself wondering if it was wrong to give her such a popular name. Would she always have her last initial tacked onto the end of her name to distinguish her from the others with her name? Would she feel cheated of an original, unique name? Was it selfish to give her such a popular name just because we loved it so much and think it's absolutely perfect for her? I'm sure I'll continue to ponder these things for the next 11 weeks or so but at this point, I just can't imagine her being called anything else. Guess you'll all have to wait in suspense for a few more weeks to find out the full answer to this question.

Number Three: "Are you going to go back to work full-time after having the baby?"

I hate this question. Mostly because I hate the answer. Yes, I am going to be returning to work full-time after having the baby. And it breaks my heart. She already has my heart wrapped around her little fingers. I've mentioned before how difficult it was to determine what our childcare would look like when Dave and I have to go back to work after she's born. I still feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for having to go back to work but I do know that in the end, it is what is best for her and our family. I've worked hard to get my Master's degree and have a career that is rewarding for both me and the children and families I work with. Adoption is my passion and I am excited to started a career as an Adoption Social Worker. And our family, at this point in time, works best with two incomes. I do know, however, that I would ideally like to work part-time in the near future. Eventually, especially after having our second child, I would like to stay home full-time until our children are all in school. The beautiful part of having a Master's degree in Social Work is that the profession is flexible and there are many career paths within Social Work. I could continue to work part-time in Child Welfare, work as an independent Adoption Consultant, or take a few years off before jumping back in. While I know that working with a new baby is going to be incredibly challenging for me personally, I think it's the guilt of leaving her with someone other than me or Dave that gets to me the most. Children do best with their biological families - this is what I hear on a daily basis working with foster and adoptive families. Of course we'll have our set way of raising her - our schedule, values, rules, and norms - and these are things that everyone else will do just a bit different. I would prefer she's with me or Dave at all times but I trust that our childcare facility and my mom (her two primary caregivers aside from us) will not only respect our way of parenting and provide consistency for her, they will provide great, quality care, learning, and plenty of love for her.