Identity Crisis

Okay, so maybe calling it an identity crisis is a little extreme but I am certainly experiencing some sort of identity shake-up. You see, I was so comfortable living the life of a student for so many years that entering the "real world" has really shaken me up a little. It's been almost nine months since I finished graduate school and since I started my "grown-up job"... but for some reason, I still find myself longing for that student life.

There is so much about the student life that appeals to me. First, there's the flexibility of the scheduling. I determined if I was going to have morning or evening classes. I was able to fit a work-out into the middle of the day without hurry. I could spend hours at Barnes and Nobel or a coffee shop, writing papers or finishing readings for class. Yes, the flexibility is certainly something I miss. I also miss the learning. I really enjoy sitting in a class with other students learning about things that I am passionate about... increasing my knowledge. I love the smell of new textbooks and the way my hand hurts after taking notes during a lecture. Call me a nerd, but learning is something I really enjoy. And lastly, I miss being surrounded by my friends. I miss living in the dorms, where friends are just next door. Or in an apartment with one of my oldest friends, watching hours of reality television to take a break from our graduate studies. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he makes a great roommate but there is something about college life... something about the schedule, the learning, the friends... that makes me think its way more fun than the "real world".

I was so eager to graduate, both from undergrad and graduate school. When I was offered a job prior to graduating this past May, I considered myself fortunate and accepted the first position offered to me, fearing that there might not be any other offers given the state of our economy. I always enjoyed working in the area of health care but I was a little apprehensive about working with adults instead of children. My passion, my focus, had always been on working with children. After months of training, I officially started seeing Oncology patients at a local hospital and that's where I am today. Oncology is hard. HARD. And exhausting. So many people say it's also rewarding but right now I just feel like it's hard, emotionally draining, and a lot of work. Maybe it's not just oncology. Maybe it's just having a regular full-time job that's exhausting. Having REAL responsibility really isn't fun. Is it bad to admit that? Is it bad to some days just want to be a student again? Because today, I'm admitting that the real world is hard and that I would LOVE to be a student again.

The thing I miss the most about being a student is the hope, the optimism, the opportunities... the world is literally at your feet when you are a student. You can explore what you are passionate about and dream big dreams. I'm a little sad that once you walk across that stage, receive your diploma, and flip your tassel, reality sets in. The truth is, we all need to graduate at some point. And today, I am reminding myself that even though I've finished school, I don't have to give up that hope, optimism, and passion. It's okay for me to think my job is hard to question whether it's a good fit for me. It's okay for me to think to the future, about the doors that will continue to open. Today, it's okay to be a little sad that I'm not a student anymore. Yes, I'm experiencing an identity shake-up and I'm realizing that it is perfectly okay.

Prayers for Haiti

Today my prayers are with the people of Haiti. With those who are suffering, those who have lost someone they love, and those who are waiting for word of whether their loved ones survived. Today I find my heart heavy with saddness for a country already ravaged by poverty and disease. I will never understand why things like this happen in places plagued with suffering and injustice... and I will most certainly never deem it fair. My heart aches for the children who will now become one of the world's voiceless - one of the nearly 150 million orphans in our world. I pray that the beautiful people of Haiti feel God's grace, love, and mercy today as they seek comfort and understanding... as they search for a renewed faith in our Father. I hope you'll join me in praying for Haiti today, tomorrow, and until a sense of peace and hope has been restored to its people.

The above photograph is from National Geographic online.

Christmas & The New Year

I have been an incredibly terrible blogger lately... I apologize! I know that most people have taken down all their Christmas decorations and are already moving on to the next holiday (yes, Valentine's Day is a holiday!!). Nonetheless, here is a little update from our first Christmas and New Year as husband and wife!

We started our Christmas celebrations with Christmas Eve at my parents house. We had a delicious dinner and then went to the candlelight service at church. I LOVE worshiping at my parents' church on Christmas Eve. The music, the candles, the sermon... it's always exactly what I need to remind myself of Jesus' birth and the reason for Christmas. After church, we went back to my parents' house to open presents. Ever since I was a little girl, we have always opened presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. My parents always told us that if we were good, Santa would come early while we were at church. I always thought I was an EXTRA special child :)

Christmas Day we hosted our first family gathering at our new house. Being the overly organized person that I am, I had all the tables up and and everything ready to go the day before. I prepared the last of the food in the morning and everyone came after morning church. We had a delicious lunch prepared by my grandma, mom, and aunts. We then played family games including Catch Phrase & Apples to Apples. It's become a tradition that we play games as a family after we eat and it's something I really enjoy. We didn't do gifts this year but instead did a baked-goodies exchange. It was a great Christmas overall. I know that Dave missed celebrating with his family (they were still in Peru visiting his sister).

Dave and I exchanged our presents on Christmas Eve. I got him a new watch (he's been hinting for a while he needed one) and tickets to the PGA Championship next August at Whistling Straits. He got me a new digital camera - an incredibly nice one! I've been talking about how I want to take a photography class and improve my skills before we have a family so that I can take great pictures of our kids someday. I didn't take many pictures of Christmas but we did manage to get one of us together by the tree.



We celebrated the new year with some friends. We had dinner at one of Dave's friends' parents house with two other couples. It was great to see everyone and spend some time with people from out of town that we hadn't seen since the wedding. After they all left to go out for the night, we went to my friend Mandie's house and spent the night in with her and her boyfriend, Will. We played games, enjoyed some delicious pie, and just caught up. It was a great time! It was nice to stay in this year.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year! I promise to be a better blogger in 2010 :)

A Miracle on Flight 253

I plan to do a post about Christmas but haven't quite gotten around to downloading the software to my new camera (thanks hubby!) in order to post a few pictures. In the meantime, I wanted to post about the Keepmans, a local Wisconsin family aboard the Northwest Airlines Flight 253 that was nearly bombed on Christmas Day.

My reason for sharing this story is two-fold. First, the family was probably more composed on and after that horrific flight than I would ever be. Their bravery alone is worth sharing. Second, the family had two VERY special children traveling with them.... two sweet Ethiopian orphans, traveling to their new home in Wisconsin with their forever family. We all know my passion and love of everything Africa and adoption but this story tugged a little harder at my heart strings. These beautiful children were completely oblvious to what was happening aboard that airplane because of the sheer excitement of coming home to America with their new family. I thank God for their innocence and know that he was truly watching over the Keepman family, and the other 270 passengers, abroad that flight. Afterall, why would God do something so great as rescue two children from life as an orphan to only let something so terrible happen to them on their way home? He certainly is the maker of Christmas miracles!

You can read the complete story here.

What makes me even more excited is that the family is returning to Ethiopia in a few weeks to bring home their THIRD adopted child! They have no qualms about flying, even after what happened to them, because they have faith and trust in God's plan for them. I only hope that I can have this much strength and courage someday. And who knows, maybe someday when our adopted child(ren) are home, they'll get to meet their fellow Ethiopians-turned-Wisconsite :)

'Tis the Season

The Christmas festivities have officially begun! This weekend we spent time getting ready to host Christmas and did some early celebrating with friends.

On Saturday morning, I baked cookies with my mom. Now that we're married and I'm off on my own, I figured it was time I learned how to make some of the cookies I enjoyed growing up. My mom was glad to have the help this year, too! We made lots of chocolate, peanut butter, and sugar cookies. On Sunday afternoon, our favorite kids - Emily, Katie, Carly, and Dylan - came over to help frost and decorate all the sugar cookies. It was certainly nice to have lots of helpers... and they were quite entertaining, too. I'm not sure if they did more decorating or eating :) Here's some of the finished cookies:



We also went to two Christmas parties this weekend with Dave's friends. The first was an ugly sweater party. Last year we didn't dress up and paid the price in heckling so this year, with many thanks to my great grandma's closet, we came dressed in two very ugly Christmas sweaters. Dave whined for a good amount of time about not only the fact that his sweater was ugly, but that it was a woman's sweater. At least I got him to agree to one picture.



On a non-Christmas note, we celebrated my great grandma's 88'th birthday on Sunday! I feel so lucky to have grown up with all of my great grandparents but great grandma Kulczyski is the only one still alive. She's had some minor health setbacks in the past month but she's still her happy, feisty self. When we asked her what she wanted for her birthday she replied with, "A new husband, please". She'll never lose that sense of humor, that's for sure! Here's a picture of the birthday girl and her three great-granddaughters.



We also had a great sermon on Sunday morning at church to help us prepare our hearts for the TRUE reason we celebrate Christmas...Jesus' birth. I've been feeling rather annoyed and a little angry this year with the way in which our culture views Christmas. I was finishing up my Christmas shopping on Saturday, along with nearly everyone else, and couldn't help but notice how mean and rude people were to one another. The stores were advertising having the "perfect gifts" and people were rushing between aisles, filling their carts with stuff. It was a good reminder Sunday morning of the true meaning of Christmas and the real reason for celebrating. What a perfect way to start the week leading up to the celebration of His birth!

My Husband

What can I say other than I have the most amazing husband in the world. For so many reasons, he is simply the best. My life has been incredibly blessed by him being a part of it but since we got married in August, I've realized that with him as my husband, life only continues to get better. I let him know every day how much I love him and how thankful I am that he's in my life... but last night, something happened that made me love him just a little bit more (I know, how is that even possible?).

I came home from teaching my children's grief group and was incredibly exhausted. I was looking forward to coming in, putting on my PJ's, and snuggling with him on the couch until I was fast asleep. When I walked in the door, I saw Dave on the computer. I went over to give him a hug to find that he was looking at one of the adoption blogs I had bookmarked. Now, let's be clear here - Dave doesn't really understand this whole blogging thing and he's never the one to initiate conversations about adoption. We've talked about adopting and about my heart for orphans. We know that in the future (or as Dave likes to say, "three or four years from now") we will start the adoption process to bring our child/ren home from Africa. But I never thought I would see him looking at an adoption blog, EVER. Not only was he looking at the blog but from the computers' little speakers came the most beautiful Christian music. Now, he may have just been visiting the blog because he knew that some of his favorite Christian songs were on the blog's playlist, but I'd like to think God planted a little seed in his heart and mind and that's why he was looking at that blog (a girl can hope, right?).

I may remind him every day of God's call to adoption in our lives... remind him every day that all I really want for Christmas is to welcome an orphan into our family... remind him that adopting a child is no different than having a biological child. But last night, he reminded me that God's plan is bigger than me, more than something I can control. He reminded me that I need to become better at waiting (don't we all??). He reminded me why I love him so very much.

We've been in the process of searching for a "home church" since before we got married. One of my criterion for our new church is that they understand the call of God to care for orphans and are open to starting an orphan ministry. After visiting several local churches once, we settled on one church that we would worship at during the Lenten season. We never thought this journey to find that "perfect" church would be so difficult but it has proven emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausting. One thing I do know is that this journey is helping to bring us both closer together in our faith and as husband and wife.

So Dave, if you ever actually read this blog, know that I love you. And that I'll bookmark some more adoption blogs for you to read when I'm not around :)

On the day he became my husband...

Attention All Coffee Lovers!!

I've been a coffee drinker since the day I set foot on Marquette's campus... three cups every morning, a little sugar, and a little milk. Coffee has been my morning routine ever since. I've never had a favorite brand or flavor. If it had caffeine, I drank it! I'm trying to ween myself from coffee and switch to tea for many reasons but I still do love a good cup of coffee once in a while. The best coffee I have ever tasted has come from Africa. Not only does the coffee taste good but when purchased, it DOES good. One organization selling this type of coffee is Just Love Coffee.

Just Love Coffee was founded this year by a man with a love of coffee, a heart for adoption, and an understanding of the workings of Ethiopia's coffee farmers. Rob Webb, founder of Just Love, realized the poor living conditions, working conditions, and minimal wages of the coffee farmers of Ethiopia - the birthplace of the famous cup of java itself! He was inspired to take action, creating Just Love as a a roasting ground for fair trade speciality coffees in which the farmers profit and orphans are helped. Coffee purchased through Just Love also helps families adopting children from Ethiopia and around the world raise funds towards their adoption costs. Plus, the coffee tastes GREAT! Who wouldn't want to wake up every morning to a cup of delicious coffee that not only tastes good, but that is DOING good.

My friend Leigh and her husband are adopting two children from Ethiopia and have recently opened their own Just Love Coffee shop! It would be great if you could purchase a bag or two of coffee to help with their adoption costs and help the farmers of rural Ethiopia continue to brew the one thing so many Americans cannot live without each morning. You can visit Leigh's blog to learn more information about their adoption journey.

Visit Just Love Coffee to order your coffee today!!

And yes, someday when Dave and I begin fundraising for our own adoption, we will likely be asking you to buy coffee again :)